What Hot Dudes Play in Movies.

Super Heroes.
1st things 1st, it should be obvious to everyone, Super Heroes. Super heroes, first of all, are good people using their powers for good and all that stuff.  They are always wicked smart. Oh need help with your homework? No problem. Last but definitely not least super heroes always got a lean bod. You can't be fighting crime with a wimpy string bean bod, no sir.

Look at those crazy shoulders. Are those veins or muscles? I don't even know, and usually I'm like puke, "that guy's muscles are way to big". But man, he's Wolverine, those muscles are awesome.

This guy is full of witty humor no wonder he gets all the ladies, but in the end he picks the bad ass Pepper, which makes all the girls be like "Oh he is a nice guy," also he got a nice bod, and a smart mind. He could probably build you a car that drives itself and has a friendly conversation with you about your day.

Who's excited for this movie? Andrew Garfield makes on good lookin' Spiderman. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed Toby, but I have this idea that I am going to enjoy Andrew more.

I was going to say words and then I decided I didn't need to. Thor. That's all.

Characters that have to do with The Beatles.

 The Beatles themselves are in movies... and well they are The Beatles which makes them the coolest people that ever existed.

Oh hello Jude. You can serenade me any day of the year and I'd pretty much be really excited that you did that. Cool? Cool. He even has a slight mullet sometimes in this movie and I don't even care. And he's belting out some beautiful Beatles beats.

Is that John Lennon? No it's sexy Aaron Johnson playing John Lennon. Congratulations if you've seen that movie, if not well I don't feel sorry for you, go rent it ya dumb dumbs.

Medieval Dudes. 

I'll just post some pictures and you will understand why medieval actors are hotties.

You're WELCOME!

What Hot Dudes DO Do, Again...

Wear Suspenders.

 Not only are they functional (dudes, it isn't attractive to have your butt cheeks hanging out between the space where your PANTS SHOULD BE, these dudes will hold that pants right up) but they also look super attractive... unless you wear them like this:

A little frightening... so uh wear them like Matt Hires does....Please.
Another thing... they are sort of like a leash for your man, like those leashes for your baby, except for adults. Also if you get mad you can just snap them in the nips.

Have Appropriate Facial Hair. 
 Sometimes a good facial hair makes a man look so MANLY. And men, you should be excited... because well, less face shaving for you.     

  Here's R Pats without facial hair. Still Good... BUT...

Here's R Pats with facial hair... which is like 1 billion times better.

Brandon Flowers Without Facial Hair. Good.

         Brandon Flowers with Facial Hair Better.

 

Sometimes just a stache is good. There's something about the stache...Only a certain type of good looking man can pull off just the stache and that kind of man is suave... like:

Jean Dujardin... He's so French it's crazy.
A man with a stache can also be just plain bad ass like:

That Stache won't quit. If someone died from a mustache, it would've been Jason Shwartzman's mustache who murdered you. Just sayin'.

Like to Read Books. 
I just appreciate a man who reads books... although if you really want to impress a girl namely me... Jurassic Park should probably be your favorite.

Here's James Franco reading... and also he has a stache... talk about good news.

Be Funny.
Nothing is more barfy then a pretentious snob who only wants to talk about politics and different kinds of insurance or whatever it is that serious people talk about. Have you ever noticed how much better looking a guy gets when he is funny? It's like wow suddenly BLAM good looks appear on that face that once was ordinary. Some of these guys are:

   

Jason Segel (dating Michelle Williams)

 Jason Sedeikis (dated January Jones and now is dating Olivia Wilde)

Charlie Day

(His wife is hot and I don't know her name)

More Things Hot Guys Don't Do.

Wear Flip Flops.
Do you ever sit and wish you could hear the sound of rubber or plastic hitting the foot palm of some dudes sweaty hairy feet? No. And if you do you probably have a foot fetish and to that I have to say... you're welcome for this photo and congratulations on admitting to your strange sexual fantasies.

Guys aren't attractive from the waist to their upper thighs and then their ankles down. Keep that stuff up to the imagination.. Pretty please.

Wear affliction.

If you are ever finding your senses in confusion from blinding reflecting lights along with the powerful smell of cologne and tanning bed and constantly being stabbed by hair with a pound of product in it,  it's probably a jerk in an Affliction shirt.
Some things people NEVER say about a guy wearing and Affliction shirt.
"That guy in that Affliction shirt looks really classy."
"I bet that guy in that Affliction shirt has really good taste in music, I bet his favorite band isn't Nickleback."
"I bet that guy in that Affliction shirt's penis is huge from all those steriods he takes."
And Lastly.
"I bet that guy in that Affliction shirt doesn't want to be in the MMA."

Have Tribal Tattoos When you are OBVIOUSLY not from a tribe.

The tattoo does not make your muscles look bigger but it does make you look like a big tool. BLAM! Never have I ever looked upon a man's bicept and thought, that guy really took the time and thought about that tattoo I bet he knows exactly what that means.

This guy is obviously not part of the leopard tribe. D-BAG!

The above things can all be found at your local Gold's gym.

Hot Dude: Gael Garcia Bernal

Hot Mexican ALERT!



Oh my lawdie lawd. Have you ever watched That 70’s show where Jackie kisses Fez and she was like it was like frenching his accent, you know how he rolls his R’s? Now instead of Fez (who isn’t 1/500th as hot as Gael) it’s Gael Garcia Bernal and pretend that it isn’t that 70’s Show and instead real life and that’s happening to you.That’s what looking at Gael Garcia is for most people I would assume.



Now he has that upper lip that is slightly bigger the bottom lip which is unusual and oh so sexy. It gives him that pouty look that’s like: Wow somebody should be melting from looking at me at all times of the day.



His eyes always seem to look like he’s be crying in a really manly good looking way.
Anyways guess what movie I hate? That Letters to Juliet that he was in. WHO WOULD CHOOSE THAT UGLY ENGLISH GUY WHO WALKS WITH AN INSANE TURN OUT THAT LOOKS WEIRD INSTEAD OF THIS GUY? Well nobody in real life.
Also if you want to see his penis there are two different movies that show it. Not that I watched those movies to see his penis I watched those movies to see Gael Garcia Bernal and it happened to show his penis.
These movies: Science of Sleeping. Y Tu Mama Tambien

What Hot Guys Do DO

Have Accents.

Sometimes you see a regular looking guy, and then DOUBLE TAKE EAR VERSION, and then you realize this regular looking guy has a sexy accent! SUDDENLY he turns automatically into a hot dude. Having an accent adds like 30 pounds of hottness to a dude.
Top 5 hottest accents
1. Australian
2. British
3. Italian
4. Scottish
5. Irish
Proof, my sister doesn’t date Mormons (Living in Utah this is a common problem) Well she found an Australian Mormon and you best believe she dated the shit out of that guy. Once he left her a message and although we didn’t understand 89 % of it we listened to it like 45 times.
Here’s an example of a hot dude with an Accent.



Aaron Johnson. British Accent. Although he already is hot without an accent….
Be in a Band.
There is this special magical power musicians have. Being a musician is like wearing drunk goggles but with ears and it distorts your vision… to make them good looking even if they aren’t. yeup. And when they ARE in fact good looking, that’s when a thing called a cult following happens. We musician lovers just dream about the day when a hot musician spots you in the crowd and throws that pick at your face and says “I choose you.” (Paolo Nutini, don’t you worry, one day I’ll see you live and then you can do that to me).



This is also a case of a triple wammy, good lookin’, musician AND he also is Scottish. Oh Paolo, future husband.
Wear Clothes That Look Like You’ve Been on a Boat.

Guys who dress like they have been on a boat seem like they would be really strong. Like Oh yeah I totally pulled that sail full mast with my really strong arms that are being accentuated by these nautical stripes. I’ve always said I’d only marry a musician or a marine biologist. Also, this could go in the pirate direction as well, who doesn’t love a good looking pirate?



Check out those sexy collar bones with that boat neck nautical striped shirt. Way to be a hot dude Ryan Gosling. Hey he’s also a musician… Double wammy.
More things that hot dudes do do… later when I think of some other things..

Hot Dude: Zac Efron

In ode of his movie coming out today. A line from a review I read: The kid from high school musical is all grown up so go ahead and ogle because the film has lovely views, and that’s pretty much it. Let me tell you this film reviewer: Is that supposed to make me not want to go see that movie? Because I’m pretty sure 99% of the people who are going to this movie aren’t seeing it for the great storyline and cinematic cuts and stuff, they are seeing it for ZAC EFRON’S BOD.
Recently Zac Efron modeled for Men’s Health. These are the results:



What is that muscle in his arm? Does that even exist in regular humans? Probably not, he’s famous so he gets extra muscles. And look at the scruff, so manly. Oh god and those eyes! THOSE EYES! They burn into the soul of every woman that exists. If any woman says otherwise she’s a liar. LIAR!



Here’s Zac just hangin’ in some ropes, like real men do.



Come on is Men’s Health really for straight men? And look and his hand gingerly on his crotch. And his hair is way to perfectly styled and yet look at that sweat stain all up on his chest. Who even cares. He’s one hot dude.

Hot Dude: Taylor Hanson

Look at that hair, it looks like he just ran his hand threw it and then it fell perfectly into place. How is that even possible? It’s because he’s Taylor Hanson and he has magical hair I guess.
He wears necklaces. Most men can’t pull off necklaces, it gets caught in there chest hair or it’s a puka shell necklace or chains with diamonds that say “thug” or whatever. But Taylor Hanson wears necklaces and it’s HOT.



Taylor Hanson can wear white pants. Who can wear white pants? Lots of people wear them but it really should only be on the beach but nobody unless it’s T Hans.
Finally Taylor Hanson is so hot that my sister (who doesn’t EVER want children) would birth 5 of his babies (he has 5 babies and it makes sense, if he wants 5 babies he should get 5 babies because he’s that goddamn hot).

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I forgot the most important part about Taylor Hanson. The voice of a hot hot sexy angel who fell down from heaven to make our ears and souls cry because he’s married.

What Hot Guys Don't Do.

• Wear South Park T-shirts.

Yipes. Honestly, the show is great, HILARIOUS even, but for some reason the T-shirt is just a deal breaker. It’s a flash forward to the future: Nonstop quotes from the show.

• Anime.

The website that I found this picture from actually was titled: Petition: Legalize Marriage to Anime Characters. There are anime pornos, I think. I would google it but I’m afraid to. They all have creepy big eyes and majority of them are dressed up like children.

• Use Smiling emoticons in every text message :)

This could just be a personal thing but when dudes use those GD emoticons, unless it’s used properly as a joke.

• Puka Shell necklaces.

Don’t they just itch? That’s all I am thinking when I see them.

• Cat man.

You would think there was nothing worse than a cat lady, well there is, it’s a cat man.