Some say: He's hot, who cares? Those people are dumb. You should care. Here's some good information: dudes are hot partially because they don't do stupid things, doing dumb things makes a hot guy unhot (okay there are some exceptions, but those exceptions are for celebrities only).
Be Pretentious about Music.
Let me tell you a little secret: Everyone in the world thinks their taste in music is the best. Trying to force feed your music down my throat with facts about how your music is proven to be of higher quality than mine still is NOT GOING to convince me that it's better. Oh you heard that band before they "sold out"? Although I don't give a horse shit you are probably going to try to prove to me that it's true with exact dates and random facts that I really don't feel like hearing. And seriously if you touch my GOD DAMN PLAYLIST I made for this party or whatever I will have the STRONG DESIRE to rip your throat out right out of your neck. I MAKE PHENOMENAL PLAYLISTS YOU DICK WEASEL. I really don't care you think I'm the worst because I love getting down to Beyonce', how could I not with an ass like mine.
That's my ass... Can you blame me for loving Beyonce'? No, you can't.
Loud Chewers.
Either eat quieter food OR LEARN TO EAT! Sometimes it's like your mouth is a really long cave and people are throwing rocks all up in there, so many echoing rocks ricocheting off the walls, and I hate it. I HATE IT! It's mostly when I'm PMS-ing, or when I'm trying to watch my shows.. which is every time I'm eating. Sometimes I get if you have to mouth breath because you are sick or your food is hot and you're impatient but just eat your food in a different room, okay? (also I eat like an animal but I don't hear my own chewing so it doesn't bother me) (hypocrite? that's my middle name losers)
(I'm not sure exactly what this person is eating but I can't imagine this person eating it quietly).
People Who say that SNL isn't Funny Anymore.
People who say SNL isn't funny anymore are the people who don't watch it but don't want to admit it. STUPID PEOPLE! It's like those people who say they love Regina Spektor and then you put her on and then they go "Ewe what is this?" You don't know anything because you are lying to yourself and me.
WATCH THIS:
Yeah you laughed, you know it.
Thinking that you are Smarter than Everyone.
I don't care if you are smarter than me but when you care that you are smarter me, it bothers me. I say dumb things on purpose (sometimes) because it's funny, when you take it too seriously and laugh at it for the wrong reasons (because you think you I'm dumb) the likelihood of me disliking you is high. If I have to google words that you text me that means you are trying WAY TOO HARD. I am not that dumb, I have a great vocabulary, I use the word befuddled every once and awhile. People who think they are smarter than everyone obviously take life too seriously, and most likely don't like laughing.
Okay but honestly I wouldn't care if Ryan Gosling thought I was dumb. For instance, I have no idea what that means and I would just say... "Okay."
I don't know about you, but I wasn't born in the 80's. I'm not going to lie, that decade was full of regular looking people. It may have to do with ill fitting clothing and bad hair and all that stuff, BUT there were a few dudes that stood out, even with the grotesque-ness of the 80's. (I seriously feel bad for those of you that were in adolescence back then (although I was 10 in year 2000 and I wore entire pleather outfit (don't worry my entire family forced me to stop by bullying me))).
Here are some people who did not make the sexy list.
Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon is weird looking. First of all did his hair dressers make him blow dry his hair while doing a hand stand because that hair just sticks up for days. Second of all the movie "Footloose" where he dances in the warehouse because he is angry. That was really unattractive... and I love dancing. Third of all the movie "Tremors". I'm not going to lie... I love the shit out of that movie because it's so white trash and awful. Fourth of all and most of all: his unattractive face. End of Discussion.
All The Guys in the "Brat Pack" except Rob Lowe.
Seriously how did they all get in so many movies?
Emilio Estevez is related to Charlie Sheen so there has to be something wrong with him. Who took this picture? What's up with this horrible angle? PLUS if you are famous you should only take off your shirt for pictures when you have a celebrity bod, not an average man bod. Rich people have no excuses to have average bodies. IT'S YOUR JOB
Now to be fair he always the nerd in the movies. But then they pulled a fast one on you in Edward Scissor Hands and try to make him attractive but we all would rather have a scarred up Johnny. COME ON! I think he was in something creepy because his grown up face gives me the creeps.
Here Andrew Mccarthy We are going to put you in clothes with MAJOR shoulder pads... well because you actually look like a 12 year old. Also, Do you even have an upper lip. (low blow... low blow)
This guy, Well I just don't like him at all. I think it mostly has to do with how much his character sucked in The Breakfast Club. ARGUE WITH ME IF YOU WANT! Jk Don't, because I don't care.
THE HOT DUDES OF THE 80's
Rob Lowe
Oh crap, now there's a good looking fellow. I'd say he's probably the Zac Efron of the 80's except he get WAY MORE NAKED in movies. Like the one with Demi Moore where they are just naked like 60% of the movie. I remember because I watched it edited and it was like watching a movie when you're blind without having glasses on (it was on cable... not the naughty cable, the other kind).
Here's a nice glistening picture of him. Score! He's still famous and that's because when you're this good looking young, you continue to be good looking until you are old.
John Stamos
You know the best thing about Full House? Uncle Jessie and the phrase "How Rude" but mostly Uncle Jessie. He even looked good with a mullet.
Nobody even cares that you have a mullet because you are so hot. And GOD DAMN your fictional bowl cut twins were just adorbs. And he was like all cute with children...what a prize the 80's had... and actually that we still have... because he's still hot. Also I think everyone should do themselves a solid and google John Stamos's bellybutton, that shit is weird.
Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp is just an EPIC man. Literally has an EPIC movie in every decade. I think he may just be super human. I mean is it possible to be as epic as him? I think not. Seriously he is 50 years old and it's not like "oh he still looks good for his age" NO! It's like you still want him as much as you did when he was in the 80's. Celebrities and their magic.
Seriously? Seriously.
Jon Bon Jovi
I'm sorry but he may be the only good looking butt rocker in the world.
Listen, he married his high school sweetheart and that is probably hard for a musician especially a butt rocker... I think they are the ones that probably have the sluttiest girls thrown at them. Number 2 reason the song "Livin' on a Prayer" got me through a really long torturous hike every time I asked my dad how much longer he'd say "we're half way there" and then I'd sing LIVIN ON A PRAYER (my dad was a god damn liar every time he said that).
Matt Dillon
I don't know if you recall my blog post about eyebrows but here's a forgotten soul on that shit. He got some nice brows. Plus he looks like a bad boy with the leather and sweat and ciggy, and all us ladies want is a guy to want to punch things for us and do things that make us worry about their lives.
80's Cutie: Ralph Macchio
Ain't he just the cutest darn thing you've ever seen? Plus I think he's probably the most epic 80's actor. HELL TO THE O KARATE KID! THE OUTSIDERS! Interesting fact... yes Ralph Macchio looks like a child but did you know he was actually 23 when he filmed Karate Kid?
Also there's this. Which makes me like him more.
Although I wasn't born in the 80's that doesn't mean I can't like the men in that decade.
As the end of the year has come to an end there are all these countdowns of things. Best songs, best movies, sexiest man alive (come on Channing Tatum? Who chose that guy? Someone who likes male strippers probably).
Here's my top ten dudes of 2012. These dudes don't necessarily have to do with the year 2012 they have to do with my personal discovery of their good lookingness or I just think they deserve to be put on a hot dudes list.
10. Country Winston Marshall
Country Winston is awesome. He's in a little band called Mumford and Sons. He plays the awesome instrument called the banjo. Many people may not understand this unless you were lucky enough to see them live in concert. This dude got the moves when playin the banjo. He also is hilarious.
Banjo rolls for days.
And those jorts, who can pull off jorts? Country Winston, that's who.
9. Chris Messina
In
2012 Chris Messina was in two things that I love (The Mindy Project and
Jesse and Celeste Forever) , and this is where I was like Woah who is
that awesome dude with the crazy good upper lip? Did you catch that episode of The Mindy Project where Chris Messina has those amazing dance moves? Because I did, and I liked it.
8. Matt Hires
This is Matt Hires for those who don't know. He's a hipster girls dream he wears tight pants and plays the guitar and sings like a champion. What's not to love?If your not convinced by this picture (who are we kidding? That is a good picture and you are convinced), but we all want to see him play music.
See what I mean? Talent and the looks, best of both worlds.
Plus, this one time he recognized me at a concert as his fb friend.
7. Phillip Phillips
I am a 22 year old woman, American Idol is probably the last thing on the list of things for me to watch (that show is for middle aged women and pre teens). Anyways, the point of me telling you this is because there is a new American Idol named Phillip Phillips (I think his parents were playing a practical joke on him with that name (Is that really his name? Does anyone know?))
So I hear this dude on the radio and I was like "woah, this is good sounding" but I thought he'd look somewhat of an old guy because his voice reminds me of Dave Matthews. Well guess what, he isn't old he's really a good looking young man. Why is he unlike any other American Idol? Because he sings music I actually like.
6. Wesley in The Lumineers
This little band popped into the scene this past year of 2012. Wesley writes songs that make grown women bawl at their concerts as if she were a pre teen at a boy band concert. That's for real, I won't say who it was (it was my sister). He also has hair that looks like he leans on things, like one of those models.
That song. My goodness. I bet you're jealous because I spent New Years Eve with them. You are, I know it.
5. Taylor Hanson
Taylor Hanson pretty did nothing with the year 2012 except making a video of destroying guitars and vacuums, oh also there was that thing where he crushed everyone's dreams by having another child. He laughs in the face of the divorce statistics and keeps on being married.
Here's that video. How bout for year 2013 you go on tour and stop having babies, k?
4. Zac Efron
Remember this year when Zac Efron was in that movie where he was shown really strong and lifting heavy objects, that was nice! Oh he was also the voice in the movie The Lorax which means he has got a sensitive side? Also apparently Taylor Swift wrote a song about him, at least I stumbled upon a picture that said she did, I don't really know, I believe the internet. There is also an instagram page dedicated to him and I really think the girl thinks she is going to marry him, that's how good looking he is.
I had to do a shirtless picture, I just had to.
3. Aaron Johnson
Who could look this good as a blonde when his natural hair color is brown, there aren't many, and he's one of them. And I am all about the staches. I love a good stache. It's curly even. Oh and his hair are just these gorgeous locks. You're right Kiera, he is a murderer.
Oh he was also in that movie where he had dreadlocks and a poly-amorous relationship with that girl from Gossip Girl who I once saw the back of her head in real life. I think he was shirtless in that movie too. I think he also had a baby this year, which sucks for all of us. (come one your wife is like twenty years older than you!)
2. Gael Garcia Bernal
This year is the year I discovered the hottest Mexican alive.
He's the most popular page on my blog. He was in that funny movie with Will Farell that I watched half of because my eyes wig out when I read subtitles. He was also in that movie where he was a doctor and falls in love with a cancer patient who DIES. He cries in that movie. And if you follow my blog you know I love crying boys in movies. He also makes a beautiful woman because he plays a cross dresser in a movie. As you know from earlier I have this love for upper lip fascination. As you can tell he has a great upper lip.
1. Jesse Williams
This is the year that I caught up in my Grey's Anatomy, and I stumble upon this gorgeous human. How have I never seen him before this? I don't know. It's like being raised underground your entire life and then realizing the world isn't over and seeing the sun for the first time... except less drastic. It's more like seeing a really good looking person for the first time. He those adorable freckles that flecked perfectly across that nose of his. And those eyes, how is it possible? I think some people are born to be famous because they are beautiful, he'd be one of those people.
I also love collar bones. Check them puppies out.
Other reasons why I like him. I follow him on twitter and Instagram. He likes food and I like food, weird. His food looks way better than my food most of the time. I don't get how he is so fit, he eats lots of food. He also takes pictures of art that is neato cool. And also weird things that he sees. Things he doesn't do: take pictures of his face. That's a little unfortunate but sometimes when all your pictures of your face (Justin Bieber (I do follow jbiebs, I have to see what's all the hype is about. Lots of pouty faces)).
Here's a picture of him shirtless.
Awe to the yeah.
Also because life has to be crap bags he's married but what can you do?
So there it is. My list. If you don't like it then make your own on your own blog. YAY 2012! Let's see what 2013 has to bring us in hot dudes!
