Hot Dudes: Some MORE stuff that hot dudes DO NOT DO, K?

Some say: He's hot, who cares? Those people are dumb. You should care. Here's some good information: dudes are hot partially because they don't do stupid things, doing dumb things makes a hot guy unhot (okay there are some exceptions, but those exceptions are for celebrities only).

Be Pretentious about Music.

Let me tell you a little secret: Everyone in the world thinks their taste in music is the best. Trying to force feed your music down my throat with facts about how your music is proven to be of higher quality than mine still is NOT GOING to convince me that it's better. Oh you heard that band before they "sold out"? Although I don't give a horse shit you are probably going to try to prove to me that it's true with exact dates and random facts that I really don't feel like hearing. And seriously if you touch my GOD DAMN PLAYLIST I made for this party or whatever I will have the STRONG DESIRE to rip your throat out right out of your neck. I MAKE PHENOMENAL PLAYLISTS YOU DICK WEASEL. I really don't care you think I'm the worst because I love getting down to Beyonce', how could I not with an ass like mine.

That's my ass... Can you blame me for loving Beyonce'? No, you can't.

Loud Chewers. 

Either eat quieter food OR LEARN TO EAT! Sometimes it's like your mouth is a really long cave and people are throwing rocks all up in there, so many echoing rocks ricocheting off the walls, and I hate it. I HATE IT! It's mostly when I'm PMS-ing, or when I'm trying to watch my shows.. which is every time I'm eating. Sometimes I get if you have to mouth breath because you are sick or your food is hot and you're impatient but just eat your food in a different room, okay? (also I eat like an animal but I don't hear my own chewing so it doesn't bother me) (hypocrite? that's my middle name losers)

 

 (I'm not sure exactly what this person is eating but I can't imagine this person eating it quietly). 

People Who say that SNL isn't Funny Anymore.

People who say SNL isn't funny anymore are the people who don't watch it but don't want to admit it. STUPID PEOPLE! It's like those people who say they love Regina Spektor and then you put her on and then they go "Ewe what is this?" You don't know anything because you are lying to yourself and me. 

WATCH THIS:

 

 

 Yeah you laughed, you know it. 

Thinking that you are Smarter than Everyone.

 I don't care if you are smarter than me but when you care that you are smarter me, it bothers me. I say dumb things on purpose (sometimes) because it's funny, when you take it too seriously and laugh at it for the wrong reasons (because you think you I'm dumb) the likelihood of me disliking you is high. If I have to google words that you text me that means you are trying WAY TOO HARD. I am not that dumb, I have a great vocabulary, I use the word befuddled every once and awhile. People who think they are smarter than everyone obviously take life too seriously, and most likely don't like laughing. 

Okay but honestly I wouldn't care if Ryan Gosling thought I was dumb. For instance, I have no idea what that means and I would just say... "Okay."

And there you go. Listen up. This is good advice.