Hot Dudes: What to Say to the Famous Ones.

Are you ever at work for 8 hours and all you are doing is folding t shirts and your mind goes in strange places? Mine does. Sometimes I am standing there folding your mens tees that will be messed up in like two minutes because guys like to play confetti with clothing and MESS UP MY HARD WORK and I think to myself "What would I say if (fill in the hot famous dudes name here) came in here." (occasionally famous dudes come into my store (dad from modern family)). So then my brain does this thing where it thinks of hilariously cute but strange things to say to this fill in the blank famous dude. Although I promise you I probably wouldn't say it.

Jo Gor Lev.

He would probably say "Where's your fitting room."
I would pretend not to notice how hot he is and then I'd probably throw up in my mouth a little bit but then swallow it. Then proceed to talk without really opening my mouth afraid he'd smell my breath.
"Oh hey weren't you in an episode of Roseanne? I think that was before I was born. I love Roseanne. Did you watch her roast on comedy central? OH WAIT! You were on ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD! I loved that part when the guy sat on those nachos, THAT WAS HILARIOUS! I laughed for days."
I probably in real life would just probably throw up and say nothing and shake and my face would be red. And then I would put him in a fitting room and mispronounce my name, "My name is Marl-swallow-Martla."

Guy from Blind Pilot


He would probably say something like "thanks for coming to the show".
And I would say, "Hey want to hear something funny? My sister has been in your bedroom. She's seen where you've slept. Interesting right?"
I actually was planning on saying this to him but the little butthole decided not to talk to fans after he opened for the opener at the shins. I would've said it too even though I was seriously bloated from all the beer I drank.

Robbie from Milo Greene 

I actually am not sure if that's his name it just looks like it on my SIGNED EP that I HAVE BECAUSE I HAVE TALKED TO HIM IN REAL LIFE AND I AM PRACTICING FOR THE NEXT TIME!
He will blink and then I will be blown away from his crazy long eyelashes but I will keep my cool. Keep it cool gal pal, keep it cool. Is what I will be thinking but really I'll be getting lost in his face staring at his insanely good looking eyebrows. Then I'll pretend that the last time I saw him I wasn't with my just mother and say, "So your song 1957, did you choose that year because that's the year John met Paul when John was performing with the Quarrymen at a talent show on July 6th, 1957? I mean that's gotta be one of the best years of music history," Beatles trivia, GURL YOU KILLED IT!
"You're so smart!" he'll say, "Can me and my really good looking band come celebrate your sisters birthday with you and get a little drunk and I can make out with you even though you have a billion Hanson posters in your bedroom."
(note to self maybe consider redecoration just in case I am as smooth as I am in my imagination).

This is what I hope I don't say but I sometimes have brain failure and maybe I'll get what I'm supposed to say with what I'm not supposed to say.
"My mom is over there, she was born in 1957, like your song. She wants me to marry you and got mad when I said I wanted to marry Paolo Nutini the other day. She's pretty cool probably one of my best friends. Ha also I put you on my hot dude blog. Yeah I have a blog that talks about hot guys, because I don't go out on Saturday nights but instead take pictures on instagram of the boring things I'm doing and then write about hot guys."
Please brain remember that is the WRONG THING TO SAY. 

Zac Efron 

You are probably wondering why I chose this picture and here's the reason, this could be proof that Zac Efron shops at Urban Outfitters, which is my working place, because we have that obey hat and also those pants look like a pair of CPO pants we have... so it's possible he could come into the Urban Outfitters I work at which means I might have to be in his presence.
  
I'm just going to be honest and say I think I should just hope in my imagination to just be conscience if I was close to him, not fainting would be an accomplishment. Although one time I SWEAR I saw him at the mall (it's possible because it was High School Musical era) lets just say that I was wearing a zebra turtle neck and really slippery silver shoes that I fell in the gutter with and I thank god I didn't say anything to him then BECAUSE lets all be honest here, he would've remembered me... not.  

Things I've said to Famous Hot Guyz. 


Hanson

"Hey don't step on that glass."
I said this after I heard a girl say there was glass. So pretty much I'm a hero to Zac Hanson's feet. SHIT YEAH!
Also This one time Taylor Hanson said, "After this mile you'll lose like five pounds" (I actually don't remember what he said exactly) but I said, not thinking he would hear me because I didn't realize famous people's ears could hear the frequency of average looking women, "I don't think that's true." Then he said something like how do you know? And then I started giggling like a deranged fool... Here's a video of that.

 The things I do for COMEDY I also think my throat is closing up on me... You'll understand.

The guy From You Me and Apollo.

"How do you spell your name?" he asked me.
"M.A.R.T.A just like how it sounds."
"Yeah that was how it sounds."
"It's okay my name is weird it's actually supposed to be spelled with an e but my mom spelled it the Mexican way" in my brain I was thinking Mexican way? Did that sound racist? Is Marta even a Mexican name, it's a spanish name but I said Mexican for some reason, I don't think I have ever told anyone my name is Mexican, why now? "I'm obviously not Mexican," Then I definitely felt weird and proceeded to ask him about his glasses because I wanted to change the subject.

Anyways.
Practice makes perfect everyone so practice your famous people conversation skills for such occasions as: traveling to hollywood, or Sundance film festival.