Hot Dudes: The Olympic Ones.

It's that time of year again, the time that happens every two years... Where we all have those Olympic crushes. Now they are over but lets take this time to remember. Okay so after a month these crushes sort of fade away BUT THEN two years pass and AGAIN you get turned on by athletes. It's like regular athletes are NOT as hot because well, this is the entire world they are competing with and I guess that's the only time I am impressed by athletics. Now you may be thinking "Marta I think athletes are hot all the time." At this point I'd say this: #1 I don't care #2 The only athlete I know who isn't an Olympic athlete is David Beckham #3 Stop thinking things that oppose my blog

Ryan Lochte 
This American Gold Medalist Swims really fast. GOOD JOB RYAN LOCHTE! Now take off your shirt.

Ha ha! The site I got this picture from named this picture "Ryan-Lochte-Penis". This also makes a person be like... oh he has a legitimate reason to shave his chest so that makes it okay and I sort of like it but that is the only reason why a man should shave his chest (some other reasons are also legitimate, that was a lie, especially if you are disgustingly hairy).

Ryan Lochte is like the athlete version of Aaron Johnson... One thing though Ryan Lochte: STOP wearing that stupid Grill. It makes me want to punch you in those chiseled abs of your.
Apparently this is not the last we'll see of this man... Reality television show.

Peter Joppich

This German guy has a nice face, plus if there was a sword laying around your house (like at my house, I have two to be exact) and someone tried to break in, he could do a good job of killing that intruder. He's got some lame hair but I've never been to Germany so I can't judge, it could be the style.

Spanish Mens Soccer Team

Spanish men are hot, and so are soccer bods, combine the both and you have a really hot soccer team full of hot spanish men. End of story.

Tom Daley 

Not only does he have a super hot bod that I am glad that I saw in a speedo he also has a British accent, that being said he also had good teeth. Who cares if he only won bronze. He is also a baby at age 18, but it's okay he is legal, and only three years younger than me... If you are older than me then you are a little creepy.

I'm sorry Michael Phelps your face is too weird. But here are some funny pictures of some other athletes that were on a list of hot athletes that couldn't make my list.... because well you'll see.

 Russell Holmes, Volleyball is for girls.

I'm not sure why this picture exists but Danell Leyva has way too many pictures of himself with his shirt off taken by his Iphone, and well this picture. Okay so his body is nice but then again, this picture exists.

So that's all I have for the Summer Olympics Man Hotties UNTIL 2014 WINTER OLYMPICS I'm done talking athletes (except for maybe David Bekham).



 
 
 




 

Hot Dudes: What to Say to the Famous Ones.

Are you ever at work for 8 hours and all you are doing is folding t shirts and your mind goes in strange places? Mine does. Sometimes I am standing there folding your mens tees that will be messed up in like two minutes because guys like to play confetti with clothing and MESS UP MY HARD WORK and I think to myself "What would I say if (fill in the hot famous dudes name here) came in here." (occasionally famous dudes come into my store (dad from modern family)). So then my brain does this thing where it thinks of hilariously cute but strange things to say to this fill in the blank famous dude. Although I promise you I probably wouldn't say it.

Jo Gor Lev.

He would probably say "Where's your fitting room."
I would pretend not to notice how hot he is and then I'd probably throw up in my mouth a little bit but then swallow it. Then proceed to talk without really opening my mouth afraid he'd smell my breath.
"Oh hey weren't you in an episode of Roseanne? I think that was before I was born. I love Roseanne. Did you watch her roast on comedy central? OH WAIT! You were on ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD! I loved that part when the guy sat on those nachos, THAT WAS HILARIOUS! I laughed for days."
I probably in real life would just probably throw up and say nothing and shake and my face would be red. And then I would put him in a fitting room and mispronounce my name, "My name is Marl-swallow-Martla."

Guy from Blind Pilot


He would probably say something like "thanks for coming to the show".
And I would say, "Hey want to hear something funny? My sister has been in your bedroom. She's seen where you've slept. Interesting right?"
I actually was planning on saying this to him but the little butthole decided not to talk to fans after he opened for the opener at the shins. I would've said it too even though I was seriously bloated from all the beer I drank.

Robbie from Milo Greene 

I actually am not sure if that's his name it just looks like it on my SIGNED EP that I HAVE BECAUSE I HAVE TALKED TO HIM IN REAL LIFE AND I AM PRACTICING FOR THE NEXT TIME!
He will blink and then I will be blown away from his crazy long eyelashes but I will keep my cool. Keep it cool gal pal, keep it cool. Is what I will be thinking but really I'll be getting lost in his face staring at his insanely good looking eyebrows. Then I'll pretend that the last time I saw him I wasn't with my just mother and say, "So your song 1957, did you choose that year because that's the year John met Paul when John was performing with the Quarrymen at a talent show on July 6th, 1957? I mean that's gotta be one of the best years of music history," Beatles trivia, GURL YOU KILLED IT!
"You're so smart!" he'll say, "Can me and my really good looking band come celebrate your sisters birthday with you and get a little drunk and I can make out with you even though you have a billion Hanson posters in your bedroom."
(note to self maybe consider redecoration just in case I am as smooth as I am in my imagination).

This is what I hope I don't say but I sometimes have brain failure and maybe I'll get what I'm supposed to say with what I'm not supposed to say.
"My mom is over there, she was born in 1957, like your song. She wants me to marry you and got mad when I said I wanted to marry Paolo Nutini the other day. She's pretty cool probably one of my best friends. Ha also I put you on my hot dude blog. Yeah I have a blog that talks about hot guys, because I don't go out on Saturday nights but instead take pictures on instagram of the boring things I'm doing and then write about hot guys."
Please brain remember that is the WRONG THING TO SAY. 

Zac Efron 

You are probably wondering why I chose this picture and here's the reason, this could be proof that Zac Efron shops at Urban Outfitters, which is my working place, because we have that obey hat and also those pants look like a pair of CPO pants we have... so it's possible he could come into the Urban Outfitters I work at which means I might have to be in his presence.
  
I'm just going to be honest and say I think I should just hope in my imagination to just be conscience if I was close to him, not fainting would be an accomplishment. Although one time I SWEAR I saw him at the mall (it's possible because it was High School Musical era) lets just say that I was wearing a zebra turtle neck and really slippery silver shoes that I fell in the gutter with and I thank god I didn't say anything to him then BECAUSE lets all be honest here, he would've remembered me... not.  

Things I've said to Famous Hot Guyz. 


Hanson

"Hey don't step on that glass."
I said this after I heard a girl say there was glass. So pretty much I'm a hero to Zac Hanson's feet. SHIT YEAH!
Also This one time Taylor Hanson said, "After this mile you'll lose like five pounds" (I actually don't remember what he said exactly) but I said, not thinking he would hear me because I didn't realize famous people's ears could hear the frequency of average looking women, "I don't think that's true." Then he said something like how do you know? And then I started giggling like a deranged fool... Here's a video of that.

 The things I do for COMEDY I also think my throat is closing up on me... You'll understand.

The guy From You Me and Apollo.

"How do you spell your name?" he asked me.
"M.A.R.T.A just like how it sounds."
"Yeah that was how it sounds."
"It's okay my name is weird it's actually supposed to be spelled with an e but my mom spelled it the Mexican way" in my brain I was thinking Mexican way? Did that sound racist? Is Marta even a Mexican name, it's a spanish name but I said Mexican for some reason, I don't think I have ever told anyone my name is Mexican, why now? "I'm obviously not Mexican," Then I definitely felt weird and proceeded to ask him about his glasses because I wanted to change the subject.

Anyways.
Practice makes perfect everyone so practice your famous people conversation skills for such occasions as: traveling to hollywood, or Sundance film festival.

 
 

Hot Dudes: Super Heroes.

If there is anything a lady loves more than chocolate it's a hot bod in spandex. Something a straight woman never says, "Ugh another superhero movie? I hate seeing really beautiful manly and chiseled man in a tight outfit saving the shit of the city that would burn if he wasn't there."
Don't we all want a superhero? If you answered no then WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

Spider-man.

 Spider-man, the man who is remarkably like a spider. He once was a smarty pants weirdo. Roaming the halls like a nerd and getting bullied like a freak. Well double take, wait, what now? This dude gets a bit by a spider and wiggidy what WHAT? He can kick your ass to Kansas. Not only is he strong but he also has super sticky hands he is also hilarious.
"Wait is that a knife? How did you know my only weakness was small knives."
Anyways, here's more spandex pictures of Spider-man.

Sorry Toby Maguire you just don't make the cut, your Spider-man ness was less sexy and more awkward facial expressions.

Wolverine. 

Who knew that someone dressed in a wife beater and have really weird facial hair would be so GD sexy? I'm going to be honest and say nobody should ever try to attempt these things even if you have the muscles to match. It belongs on the fictional character. Also somehow his pure prickness makes him sexy as well. "Oh man he was being a total dick to me, I'm so turned on." (I've just now realized that that is how some people's brains work.. but it's supposed to be sarcastic.) Okay so really he is nice, because to be honest I probably wouldn't have saved Rouge, she's annoying and weird looking (sorry Anna Paquin don't worry you're a lot better looking now).

Thor.

Oh those locks. Oh those blue eyes that are framed by those lashes that could send his head into flight because they are so long. Oh those huge awesomely rugged muscles. It makes a uterus cry out "Put a baby in me you thunder god you!" There is never a time where he should have a shirt on... just sayin'

 You can thank google for that view. I'd walk through that desert to look at that bod, kidding, I wouldn't really because I am super white and don't do well in heat. Plus I'm not a stocker.

 Batman

Batman is definitely the richest of the heroes. So that's good. Although he plays the jerk pants he is actually the good dude and if you are good looking enough well then you will probably see that side of him. And don't be fooled by the creepy voice, he isn't a chain smoker, or maybe he is? I don't really know.

Ironman. 

 Kidding. Tony Stark is definitely the richest AND probably the wittiest AND probably the smartest AND probably as the most interesting facial hair. Plus I think his love story with Pepper is the cutest. The coolest thing about him is that he made himself a super human with his crazy heart contraption. (too be honest Batman isn't really super).


Anyways. Because there are no such things as super heroes, as far as we know, there are movies and google images.

Hot Dudes: The Dead Guys.

Sometimes I feel as if I am an old soul, falling for those who are dead. It's an unfortunate thing since I am very much alive (or just regular alive, very much alive would mean I'd be doing really interesting things and dating the dudes I speak about in my blog). We can't forget about the dead because they were still good looking dudes and just because they are six feet under doesn't mean they don't exist in the minds of those who lust over good looking dudes.

Gene Kelly.
Man, more men should wear sweaters like this, 4 real, take my gd advice and do it.

 Awe Gene Kelly, I once wrote a poem about a girl being sad that he was dead because she was deeply in love with him but she was seven and didn't realize that he was no longer alive. Yeah that wasn't me because I knew he was dead for a long time... Some people may be turned off by his singing dancing ways but those people need to turn the switch back on. Look at that face, and watch the pirate to see his hot bod (yeah he's wearing hot pants in this movie but he's a pirate which is manly so it counteracts it. And I for one don't mind the hot pants because of the muscles that are revealed).

For all we know a shark bit off the rest of his pants.

Heath Ledger.

 It might be too soon to talk about him because he didn't die that long ago and we all saw him as alive, and he died so young. But he's the Australian that tugged on our heart strings when he played that sexy knight who danced to modern music even though it was in medieval times (that part of the knights tale was so weird to me that's why I am speaking of it now in this blog post... did anyone else get bothered by that?).  He occasionally played the weird looking ugly guy, but somehow his dashing good looks were not hidden, you still found yourself attracted to him. We love you sir hottie hot hot.

Paul Newman. 

Do you ever find yourself walking down the dressings isle and you are like which salad dressing should I get? Then you always go for the Paul Newman... if you don't know about salad dressings (like me) you go for the most attractive one.

 I think Paul Newman is the definition of the phrase "those blue eyes are burning my soul" I don't know if that is a phrase people use, but I use it.

James Dean.

Ever wonder why women go after the bad boy? It's because of James Dean, 100% hands down the reason. When a lady sees a dude with a motorcycle and a ciggy in mouth and a bad ass attitude we all picture James Dean. Then we realize that they aren't James Dean and that smoking causes cancer and when you ride motorcycles sometimes you have a rat tail and that bad ass attitude sometimes gets you murdered... but then again, if he looked like James Dean I would date him.


Yes these guys are dead but if there was a time machine, I know that we would all go back in time and save James Dean's and Heath Ledger's lives and then force them to marry us because we saved them..... and for the ones who died from being old, well we would've taken advantage of their youngness and perhaps spend the rest of their lives with them.

Hot Dudes: More Things Hot Guys Don't Do.

Wear Diamondz. 
I don't know if you've ever heard this song, but in it, it says: Diamonds are a GIRLS best friend. The worst are the earrings.  If you are wearing them I will most likely ask you, "How much did your earrings cost?" (it's weird how many dudes don't understand that I am mocking them when I ask them this).

If you want to show how much money you have don't do it with your ears and neck chain maybe get a chocolate lab, those are expensive right? "Oh sorry I wasn't listening I was distracted by your stupid chain that says what city you think is thug."

Take Pictures With Shirts Off. 
I have to say, I enjoy a good bod, I do. I would be lying if I said  I didn't enjoy looking some good shirtless guys, but when you have those pictures where you're in the mirror and you have that phone and your face is like "What yeah I have no shirt on, and I like it." That kind of guy is the kind of guy who likes to look at himself in every mirror he passes. He's the kind of guy who says, "Is that a mirror in your pocket because I see myself in your pants" (I don't know if I executed that correctly but you get the jist).

THIS DUDE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD BOD!

Wear Sk8r Shows With Girl Pants. 
I thought that girl pants were over as soon as skinny jeans came in. But alas I still keep seeing them. I also thought that giant gross sk8r shoes were over and vans were in, but alas I still see them. It seems this is always paired with a belt buckle that says like Monster Energy drink or something. Bleh.

This ain't even half as bad as I've seen. Man those shoes have like three inches of show on the sides, it's barfy.

Use the Words: Dope, Chill, Bro. 
Dope? That's dope. Like that's marijuana? Because you like dope? That's weird you talk about it that much. Chill. That's chill? Chill... because you like being in the cold... awe, I see now. And bro. What makes anyone your brother? Nobody is your brother unless he really is your brother. You have to have one same parent.

Own Anything With Flames on It. 
Do people have cars with flames anymore? I don't even know but if they do they probably have bleached hair and are wearing a silk shirt and have pokemon tats. Then there is those guys with flame shirts. So you want people to think you're on fire eh? We all want you to be on fire. But not really because that's mean but if fire wasn't harmful, I mean.

Talk about puke.
 

HOT DUDE: Ryan Gosling.

Who knew this strange lookin' kid with that creepy smirk on his face would turn into the hot stud that every sane woman lusts over? I bet the kids who shared the screen with this dude in mickey mouse club didn't think so, because they all became pop stars and well Ryan Gosling... Ryan Gosling became the idol of the perfect man to every woman who lives on the planet (who is sane).

"How did he get this way?" you ask. Well I would say, "WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN, DUMB DUMB?" It's a little movie called THE NOTEBOOK!

Where he said the words that tugged on all the heart strings of all the women who watched him be so manly and building that house and being all beardy and stuff.

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday"

"If your a bird, I'm a bird."

Ryan Gosling I hope you know what you are doing to all of us ladies and men... you have played the perfect fictional man. And we all love/hate you for that my man... but mostly love. 

Here's another movie we will never forget Crazy, Stupid, Love. How can we forget with a bod like this:

He plays that playa we all pretend to hate but secretly want and he wants you more than any other girl and he changes for you. It is every girls dream. You're the cute girl, not like drop dead sex on a stick, but effin adorable (emma stone)(okay she's sex on a stick but she plays the adorable girl). Ack! He kills BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM... that's his six pack murdering me. 

And then he plays the bad boy who falls in love and crushes a dudes brain in so you and your son (who isn't his son) don't get murdered by people your husband owes money to.

I always say to myself, I just want a man who will crush someone's skull in with his foot if I'm in danger, that's all I want.

Anyways those are just some reasons why he's a total stud here are some picture and stuff that more proves my point.

(Pankcake face Ryan)

(newsy Ryan)

(sweet sun specs Ryan)

(Interesting shadowed Ryan)

I could go on for days... perhaps I'll make another Ryan post... at a later date.

Hot Dudes: Then and Now.

So maybe you're not very old, but there was a time where better looking people looked better when they were younger (before your or "our" time). I know what you're thinking: But they are famous they can't get worse looking as they get older, that's for regular people. I'm sorry but either they are human beings or really strange robots that age and sometimes not well (Mickey Rourke** (I just made a plastic surgery joke)).

Brad Pitt

I know what you are thinking: Marta you be nutzo crazy.... look at this guy, he's a stud. But I have to say to that: It's all in the beard. It's grey it's showing his age. CUT IT OFF BRAD JUST CUT IT OFF. We want to pretend you will never age. We look at this picture and sometimes just pretend he has no wrinkles on his face. Normal people have wrinkles and we see them, but Brad Pitt wrinkles we don't see... but then again... IF WE TAKE A TIME MACHINE....

Now that's a stud.... ha just kidding. You guys got off too late now flash forward...

Oh snap here's a good age. So really most men and women would still love to get with the old Brad Pitt..but come on if you had a time machine or maybe you got a real life Benjamen Button case on your hands then lucky you. Lucky you.

Robert Redford.

 What a second did we take a time machine forward and this is like 70 year old Brad Pitt? Nope. This is current Robert Redford, the original Brad Pitt. Don't believe me? Take a lookie here at this hot stud:

AWE YEAH!
Sometimes I just wanna go to Sundance and tap Bob on the shoulder and say: Hey you have a son or uh grandson that is like the super hot age of Brad pit (refer to my blog titles Hot Dudes: Then and Now third picture down of Brad Pitt).

This one might surprise you Jeff Goldblum aka Chef Goldblum

 Weird right? But you can sense it from this picture that this guy is full of witty wit and at one point he had a bod that wouldn't quit. And he was in Jurassic Park, you know Steven Spielberg I would've kept him alive too even though he dies in the books.

Sometimes when you shave a hairy alien he ends up looking like this dude (don't get my reference? watch Earth Girls are Easy, sounds like an inappropriate movie, it really it isn't). Oh and he's in Independence Day. This guy is awesome and I just now really realized it.


Sometimes you have have the opposite effect. Sometimes people just look better when they get older. You're like woah that kid is super weird looking and then 15 years later you're like woah I'm pretty sure I feel like stalking this celebrity but I can't because I live so far away from them.

Robert Downey Jr. 

 Hmm.. a little confusing to know that he turns into THIS:

Age done him well, done him real well.

Patrick Dempsy 

 Nerdsy Mc Nerds Nerd. JK JK but I wouldn't be calling him Dr. McDreamy I'd call his older self Dr. McDreamy 100% no questions asked.

So unfortunately there isn't a time machine YET but alas these dudes are all actors so you can just watch an old movie with them in it, or a present day movie...



**(mickey rourke)

**